Meet America's Newest Loser Candidate
By Wonkette

She's earnest like John Edwards and a "fresh face" like Barack Obama, minus the cigarette-stained teeth and madrassa indoctrination. It's far more likely she'll be elected King Jesus Christ than than electe President of the United States -- putting her in the same class as Tom Vilsack and Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich -- but the scrappy newcomer is all smiles and optimism.

Making the same mistake Hillary made back in 1993, Susie Flynn is a one-issue politician: health care, health care, health care. Susie seems to think this is a big deal especially because she is actually a 9-year-old girl.

Here is a lesson, Susie: You can't even vote, let alone run for President. Presidents must be (a) named either Clinton or Bush, (b) outrageously rich and corrupt, and (3) probably linked to the Nazis. And, your sad "children without health insurance"? Even if they weren't so sickly and weak, they still couldn't vote. There are "Two Americas", as John Edwards says, and those 9 million uninsured poor kids are definitely in the second one (the poor one). Please leave the presidential campaigns to the pros: evil and treacherous scumbags like James Carville and Karl Rove and Lee Atwater and Mary Matalin.

But it's great to see at least one little girl who still dreams of being the biggest asshole in the world...[Open in new window]