Tuesday, September 30, 2008


by Patton Oswalt

I've been saying bad things about Sarah Palin before right now in the past ago. But that's only because I thought she was an unqualified, passive-aggressive, hypocritical cunt.

However, I was hit over the head 11 times with an amber paperweight this morning. Then, seventeen minutes ago, I got my head trapped in a big plastic bag, and was not able to get any oxygen into my breath-hole for several minutes. And then I paid the mailman to give me a screwdriver lobotomy.

And so now I see things different and also clearer than before back then.

For first things, everyone who's laughing about her on the TV with Couric needs to understand that, when it comes to the country's money and bank outlook, we need to consider what Sarah said about jobs making and also the shoring up of our proud country and the mountains of glory and tradition that we, as a people, have forever held. And don't forget the health care which for the body of Americans as people and as a whole is critical. Do you remember the people who died in the towers?

And to qualify more than Obama? Let me count on more than one hand! Obama went to smart-school Harvard only, which is shown by studies to be only a single school with a curriculum. Sarah spread her mind over five different colleges for more than that many years. Do you need a fancy school to know a thing or two about a thing or two? Ask a Democrat about the movie TRADING PLACES, where Eddie Murphy, with only street smarts, takes down a whole building of smart-school elites, and makes them poor. But that's because Democrats are racists and also Republicans freed the blacks which they also don't want you to know.

Now to bring into a finish, Sarah's foreign policy expertly. Obama spent years all over every part of the world except America with Muslims and terrorists. And where was Sarah? She was in America, knowing everything about our proud country and you can bet if foreign leaders come here she'll know tons and tons about our country, and will set them straight! And Obama does not wear a metal flag on his clothes, which is a signal for brown killers.

And also the troops babies eagles 9/11.

I type everything I do now and now I just boom-boomed in my sweatpants.



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